Parenting a child with any kind of physical, mental health or behavioral challenge is never easy. When the parents of that child are divorced and co-parenting across two homes, the challenges can feel overwhelming.
Take eating disorders, for example. These are most common in teen girls, but any child can develop one. The stress and uncertainty of parental divorce can worsen a child’s eating disorder, although it shouldn’t be a reason to stay in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage.
An eating disorder can cause a child to become dangerously thin or heavy. Compulsively eating and then purging comes with dangerous side effects as well. When a child’s physical and emotional health is at stake, co-parents need to agree on how to handle it. What if they have very different opinions about how to do that – or even about whether their child has a problem?
Why consistency across homes is crucial
If a child’s parents treat their eating disorder very differently as the child moves between homes, it’s only going to add to their anxiety around food and weight. That’s why it’s crucial for both parents to agree and adhere to at least some basic rules.
Meeting together with the child’s physician and therapist, if they have one, can help parents determine some basic rules that they commit to following. These might include the following:
- Focus on healthy eating rather than the child’s weight.
- Don’t use scales, fitness trackers or calorie-counting apps unless the doctor advises it.
- Don’t comment on other people’s bodies in front of the child – whether positively or negatively.
It’s also important that parents not disparage each other to, or in front of, their child regarding what they do or don’t allow, or encourage the child to defy the other parent’s rules.
Where does the parenting plan fit in?
It can help to add these points of agreement to the parenting plan. Codifying them can help both parents adhere to them. If divorcing parents have a child with an eating disorder, it can help to address that in the initial parenting plan.
