If you are about to divorce, you probably have a good idea of what your future relationship with your soon-to-be ex will be like. Some research suggests that as many as 59 to 65% of couples stay friends after divorcing. Whether you do or not, if you share children, you need to maintain some level of communication and cooperation.
Here are some tips if that might be difficult:
Accept the reality of your situation
You don’t have to like each other. You don’t have to spend much time together or speak to each other much. But you must maintain enough contact and cooperation to ensure your child is well looked after and has their needs met.
Put limits on your communication and contact
There is no point in agreeing to meet each other once a week for coffee to discuss how your child is doing if that leaves you feeling distressed or uncomfortable or if your soon-to-be ex uses it as an excuse to try and manipulate you. You could instead state that you want all communication to be by email only. You could also set up shared calendars, or use a parenting app to reduce the need for direct communication if it is difficult.
You can also agree to keep communication to the topic you are comfortable with, even if that means refusing to discuss anything that is not to do with the children.
Be respectful
Your kids will feel uncomfortable if they see anyone treating one of their parents badly, including you. Make sure you treat your co-parent with the respect your children would expect of anyone, even if your ex is not treating you that way.
Getting help to set some terms for your parenting arrangements can increase the chance your co-parenting succeeds, to the benefit of you and your child.
